


House M.D. Drabbles

by beatlelover22



Category: House M.D.
Genre: Allergies, Cold, Common Cold, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sick Greg House, Sick James Wilson (House M.D.), Sick!Wilson, Sickfic, Sneezing, sick!House, sneezefic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-25
Updated: 2019-08-03
Packaged: 2020-05-19 07:45:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 3,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19352581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beatlelover22/pseuds/beatlelover22
Summary: A collection of sickfic drabbles featuring Greg House and James Wilson.





	1. Chapter 1

When Doctor Gregory House entered Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital late, nobody was really surprised. It had been raining for nearly two days straight and consequently, traffic was a nightmare. However, when staff and patients alike had began complaining of loud music coming out of House’s office, Lisa Cuddy decided to investigate.

Indeed, as she approached the office door, she could feel the music vibrating the tiles in the floor.  _How unprofessional,_ she thought, then almost laughed. When was House ever professional? She angrily threw open the door.

“House—” she began, but immediately stopped upon seeing him. His clothes were soaking wet — clinging to his skin tightly — and water was dripping from his hair. “Um, have you ever heard of using a raincoat?”

He blinked, as if considering this, then shouted back. “Yes. I mean, no. Wait, which was the right answer here?”

Cuddy walked over to the speaker and muted the volume. “There’s no logical explanation for your music to be this loud.”

“Sure there is,” he said. “It’s to cover up…” 

House trailed off and quickly gestured to his flaring nostrils. “ _Hah’ **SCHHHHCH!**  Eh’ **HRTZDSCHHH!**_ ” His head snapped forward with each sneeze, sending drops of water from his dripping hair to various locations in the room. For example, Cuddy’s midnight black Kate Spade heels.

“…to cover ub by loud sdeezing.  _AH’ **CHKTCH!**_ ” He brought his wrist up to his nose, sniffling. Cuddy plucked a tissue from the box on his desk and handed it to him.

“You’re sick,” she informed him, matter-of-factly.

“How would you kdow? You’re dot a doctor or adythig,” he snapped, burying his red nose in the tissue and blowing thoroughly. He tossed it in the general direction of the wastebasket and watched it bounce off the rim onto the floor.

“Hey,” Cuddy interjected, coming closer. “Do you have a fever?”

“I dunno.” He swatted her hand away. “Ad I don’t care.”

She studied him further. “No, your eyes are glassy. That’s a pretty obvious sign fo—”

“You’re over by head, I’b out of by mind, thinkin’ I was born id the wrong tibe, you’re one of a kind id a world gone plastic… baby you’re so glassy!“

She cringed at his horrible rendition of what she figured was supposed to be MKTO’s “Classic.”

“Shit,” House mumbled and frantically snatched another couple of tissues. “ _Hhh… huhhH! Hh’ **ISITSHIHH!**  Hah’ **SHZSHHOO!**_ ” 

Cuddy took his moment of weakness and reached out, placing her cool hand on his forehead. “You’re running a fever, House.”

“Well gee, baybe you are a doctor. Did you go to bedical school too?”

She ignored his sarcastic remark and sighed, pulling out her cell phone and punching in Wilson’s number. She might as well have him on speed dial. “I’m getting Wilson to take you home.”

“Bullshid, I’ve g-got  _hahhh_ … work to d-do. _Hh’ **HJSHHHK!**_ ” He winced as the half-stifled sneeze brought a pain behind his eyes.

“Next time, wear a coat,” Cuddy told him, breaking off as Wilson answered his phone.


	2. For His Own Good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Or the one in which House gives Wilson his cold.

“You did this to be!” Wilson barged into House’s office, pointing an accusing finger. “Id’s all your f-fault—  _Hep’ **SHOO!**_ ” He sneezed into his hand, sniffling all the while.

“Lovely,” House responded sarcastically, tossing the other man some hand sanitizer.

“Oh doe,” Wilson snapped. “Dod’t think you cad act so disgusted… you were sick a week ago! And you…  _hahhh_ …. you g-gave—  _ **HASHOOO!**_  You gave be this cold.”

House rolled his eyes. “Blow your nose, I can’t even understand you.” 

He used his cane to push the box of tissues closer to his friend. Wilson angrily grabbed one. “Knowing you, I bed you got me sick od purpose!”

“On purpose? Ridiculous. Why would I do that?”

“Oh, I dunno,” Wilson feigned ignorance. “Oh, wait! Maybe it’s because I have a date with Amber tonight and you’re—  _hhh’hEh’ **TSCHHOO!**_  Jealous.”

“Hm. Well, you really shouldn’t go on a date with Amber tonight now, should you? I mean, the common cold is verrrry contagious and what with the way you’re—”

“ _Hur’ **ESHOOO!** Hup’ **SHUHHH!**_ ”

“Yes, that. What with the way you’re sneezing all over the place… it’s probably a good idea to cancel,” House suggested innocently.

“I hade you,” Wilson hissed, turning for the door.

“Oh, you love me! And you’ll thank me later!” House called after him.

He could hear Wilson’s sneezing echoing down the hall and House had to smile.


	3. That Sarah, She's a Bitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Or the one in which Wilson has an allergy attack and House is (kind of) helpful.

“ _Hh’ **NXT!** Hih’ **GNTT!**_ ” Wilson pinched his nose, producing yet another squeaky stifle.

House sighed obnoxiously. “Do you have to do that?”

“We talked about this, House,” Wilson said, muting the television. 

House squealed as Manny Pacquiao delivered a fatal blow to Ricky Hatton. “Did you see that?!”

“No, I missed—”

House looked up from the screen to see his friend’s nostrils twitching. “For Christ’s—”

“ _Eh’ **TCH!**  Hehh… ehhhH! Heh’ **NKT!**_ ”

Seeing House’s unamused glare, he shrugged his shoulders a bit. “Um, sorry?”

“It’d be okay if it wasn’t happening every two seconds. Forget you trying to get out a sentence, I can’t even finish my—”

“ _Ihh’ **SHH!** Hh’ **NNT!**  Hur’ **XXXT!**  Hehh… ehhH!_” He panted, desperately in need of a reprieve.

House sighed, once again. “You’re never gonna stop sneezing if you keep holding them in like that. All that cat dander is—”

“ _Nn’ **CHH!**_ ”

“…torturing you,” he finished, lamely.

Wilson finally gave in, sneezing into cupped hands. “ _Hur’ **ESHHOO!** N’ **ESHH!**  Hah’ **KCHOO!** Ahhh… ha’ **SHHT!**  Ngh…_” 

He groaned, wiping his red, streaming eyes. The tabby peered up at him innocently, curling around his ankles. “Oh, gr-great,” Wilson managed to get out before breaking into another sneezing fit. “ _G’ **NISHOOO!**  Hahh…. ahhH!_”

As his friend best friend sat panting beside him, House cursed internally, pulled himself off the couch and picked up the feline, moving her to the bedroom and shutting the door behind her.

Wilson looked annoyed when he came back. Or maybe that was just because his face was starting to get blotchy?

“Don’t give me that look.”

The oncologist frowned, feeling his nose start to run. He sniffled miserably.

“Wilson, that cat is gonna kill you.”

He accusingly pointed a finger at House. “You don’t actually care about me, you just hate Sarah!”

“Oh, right, my hatred for some fucking allergen of yours tops our actual friendship? Sure, I see how it is,” he answered sarcastically, turning the volume back on. “Fight’s over, by the way.”


	4. Karma's a Bitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which House and Wilson's prank wars turn serious.

When Gregory House announced his arrival back home to the apartment with an unusually loud slam of the door, Wilson knew he was bothered. More so than usual.

“How was work?” he asked House innocently. Wilson had left early to go to a doctor’s appointment, which annoyed House to no end, merely because he didn’t get to get off early.

“Fine,” he snapped irritably. “It’s just my team of doctors, who are idiots by the way.”

Wilson grabbed the smoking pan off the stove and flipped it’s contents with surprising skill. “What’d they do this time?”

“Idiot things. Oh, and my leg hurts. And I’m starving.”

“Well, I’m making dinner, so that can solve at least one of your problems,” Wilson said. “As for your leg, I already drew you a bath. It’s still warm, I checked.”

House stared at him suspiciously. “You… drew me a bath?”

“This morning you were crankier than usual,” Wilson shrugged. “I just guessed your leg was bothering you more than it usually does.”

“Okay. Tell me when dinner’s ready,” he said, tossing his backpack on the floor.

Wilson sighed. Of course he wouldn’t offer up a simple “thanks.” Karma’s a bitch.

* * *

House closed the door behind him and sighed deeply. Indeed, there was a steaming tub waiting for him. Heat didn’t take away the pain, but it did sooth the ache in his leg a bit. He undressed and carefully climbed into the bath, using the handrail Wilson had installed to facilitate getting in and out.

The water was a perfect Goldilocks temperature: not too hot, not too cold. In addition, it also smelled nice. House couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but the aroma was definitely familiar and relaxing.

“ _Hh’ **SHAHH!**_ ” The sneeze was sudden, coming out of nowhere. House blinked a few times, surprised, until his nose twitched again. “ _Hih’ **SHHHHOO!**_ ”

House’s nostrils were flaring now and he constantly felt the need to sneeze. There was an itch in his sinuses, one that couldn’t exactly be scratched. “ _Hur’ **ESHHHAHH!**_ ” 

The water rippled and splashed a bit in protest to House’s furious sneezing. As soon as he heard Wilson’s snickering outside his door, he put two and two together; the scent was lavender and House was terribly allergic.

“Wilson!” House shouted, attempting to pull himself out of the tub. He sneezed instead, almost hitting his head on the rail.

“Careful in there!” Wilson called back, giggling like a school girl.

House sniffled, then decided that wasn’t the wisest choice. “ _Huh’_ **SHUHHH!** I’m g-gonna.. _. hh’ **SHHH!**_ ”

“You’re gonna what? Sneeze on me?”

“Try retaliate! That’s what people do when involved in a —  _ **SHOO! —**_ prank war.” 

He could practically see Wilson’s face go white.

“Oh no, House. This is the end of the prank war.”

“You aren’t c-capable of ending a prank war!” House argued, doubling over with another desperate sneeze.


	5. Pushing Buttons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Or the one in which House is always pushing Wilson's goddamn buttons.

“You want some more soup?” Wilson asked House.

The grown man sniffled before running a finger under his nose. Wilson got the hint and tossed him the tissue box. “What I want,” House spoke in between blows, “is to know the real reason you’re here.”

“We’re friends,” Wilson scoffed. “Some friends care enough about each other to be there in times of… need.”

“ _Heh’ **SHAHHH!**_ ”

“Bless you. Are you sure you don’t need—”

“See? There! I just sneezed and you’re already asking if I need anything!”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize being polite— you’ve got that look House, I know that look… what?”

House smiled flatly. “You have some weird fetish for neediness. That’s it. What was her name?”

“Don’t you dare say it.” Wilson didn’t even notice he was biting the inside of his cheek.

“Chase? No, couldn’t be. Jace? Lace? Mase?”

Wilson glared at him.

“No, you’re right.  _Hh’ **SHUHHH!**_  That last once was just  _suhh_ … silly.”

“House, enough.”

He wrinkled his nose before sneezing. “ _Hup’ **CHUHH!**_ ” Suddenly, his eyes twinkled with an answer. “Grace! That’s what her name was, wasn’t it?”

Wilson slammed the door on his way out, completely forgetting to grab his coat.


	6. Do You Believe in Magic?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Or the one where Wilson is forced to babysit House.

Of course, the one time House had gotten sick, Cuddy had place an intriguing case on his desk. And (of course) Cuddy had discovered House was sick and promptly forbidden him to come in on the orders that he “get lots of rest” and “not come back in to work.” 

Like anybody else would, House snuck back into Princeton-Plainsboro and holed up in his office, sniffling and trying to keep his ear-splitting sneezes to a minimum. 

“ _Hh’ **TSHOOOO!**_ ” House quickly looked around before blowing his nose in a tissue.

“You’re pathetic,” a voice told him and House jumped in response. 

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.” Wilson was frowning.

“Ah, Wilson. I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t tell Cuddy—”

“Didn’t she kick you out?”

House scoffed. “She can’t k-kick me…” He got a faraway look in his eyes before using his thumb and forefinger to pinch his nose shut. “ _Ihhh… ih’ **NGGGT!**  Hah’ **SHHHT!**_ ”

“Bless you,” Wilson told him. “You know, she’s probably gonna hear your—”

“House!”

Wilson tried to look as innocent as possible, staring upwards as if there was something very interesting on the ceiling. 

House squinted through watery eyes at the figure in front of him. “Cuddy!” he shouted in the same tone of voice.

Her hands flew to her hips. “How’d you even get past the nurses?”

“I know, I’m m-magic.  _Heh’ **ISHHHOOO!**_ ” House smiled sweetly when he saw Cuddy wince from the sheer volume of his sneeze.

“No, you’re just contagious,” she sighed. “Wilson! Take House back to his house and… babysit him.” 

Cuddy handed a clipboard to a nurse passing House’s office. “And make sure he doesn’t try to make a limp for it.”


	7. From Soho Down to Brighton

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Or the one in which House has extremely loud sneezes.

Gregory House had loud sneezes. Nobody at Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital could argue that. Although on this day, the rock music booming out of his office might’ve been just a bit louder.

“ _Huh’ **SHOOO!**  Huh… hur’ **ESSSH!**_ ” Sniffling, he quickly recovered so he could finishing singing the chorus. “That deaf, dumb and blind kid… sure plays a mean pinball.” 

He barely had time to beat the drum solo into his desk before he was sneezing again. “ _Eh’ **SCHOO!**_ ”

“Bless you!” Dr. Wilson shouted over the music. House started, having not even heard the man walk in.

“Yes? Whad do you want?”

Wilson stared at him. “Isn’t it obvious?”

“Uh… doe?

He rolled his eyes. “House. Your music’s loud enough to wake all the comatose patients. Mind turning it down?”

“Hmm… yehh… y-yes. Id’s The Who. Can’t do id.” His jaw went slack as he turned away from his friend. “ _ **ATSCHH!**  Ahh… hah’ **ISHHHOO!**_ ”

“How long have you been sick?” Wilson inquired, taking initiative and turning down the volume while House was buried in a tissue.

“ _Ahhh… huhhH! Hoo_ … thought I was goig to sd-sdeeze. I guess —  _hur’ **ESSHOO!**_ ” He sniffled and dabbed at his nose. “Aboud three days.”

“Fever?”

“Doe.”

Wilson gave him a pointed look. “Really.”

“Okay, fide. Yes. Dot a  _buhh_ … b-big deal.  _Hah’ **ATSHZSCH!**_ ” He sneezed harshly into his hands, causing Wilson to jump.

“Maybe you should consider taking something?”

“I have. Id just doesn’t  _hahh_ … work.” House rubbed his nose, annoyed.

Wilson nodded. “Okay, well, if you need me, I’ll be in my office until around three. Then I’ll be with a patient.”

“ _Huhh… ehh.._.” House’s nose twitched and his eyes were closed in total anticipation of the sneeze.

“Bless you.”

The words stopped the sneeze in its tracks, making House throw his hands in the air. “Wilsod!”


	8. We Both Know You're Lying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which House and Wilson have a sleepover.

“Cad I sday here for the dight? Sdacy, ub, kicked me out. Again.” A disheveled James Wilson was standing on Gregory House’s doorstep.

“Why? Was your congested snoring keeping her awake all night?” House countered.

“Whad?”

House shook his head. “Okay, okay. Come on in. I’m just reading some online articles.”

Wilson stepped into the threshold and House shut the door behind him. “How long have you been sick?”

“I’b dot sick,” the man said, sitting on the couch and briefly rubbing his nose. “Jusd tired.”

“…because you’re sick.” 

Both men were outstanding doctors and both men knew exactly who was telling the lie.

Wilson stood up. “House, if you want me to leave, please, just say so. I’b dot id the mood for your —  _hh’ **SHHH!**_ ” He tried in vain to stifled the sneeze, but to no avail. “I’b dot id the mood.”

“Bless you,” House said suspiciously, eyeing the way his friend was sniffling. “Stay, I don’t care. I’ll just be working anyway.”

“Would id  _hahhh… hah’ **IXT!**_ Would id bother you if I watched sobe TV?”

“If you’d stop trying to hold in your sneezes then no, it wouldn’t bother me.”  
“I’b sorry, I just —  _eh’ **GNNT!**_ ”

House glared at him.

“Habit, sorry.”

“I know.” He scrolled down, mentally scrutinizing the article he was reading. 

After a few minutes of watching a soap, Wilson spoke up again. “Do you uh, happend to have ady ahhh…  _hahhH! Hh’ **ISHHOO!**_  T-tissues?” He had a hand clamped over his nose and was blushing.

“In the bathroom.”

“Thags.”

* * *

“Ugh, the goddamn Internet is out!” House grumbled, furiously clicking the mouse over and over again. He was answered by a congested-sounding snore. 

With a glance over his left shoulder, House saw his friend completely out on the couch. His nose was noticeably red and irritated. In fact, House almost felt bad for him. Without really thinking about it, he retrieved Wilson’s jacket off the rack and draped it over him. He turned the television off.


	9. Gateway to Paradise

Gregory House was tossing stones at his colleague’s window, much like that of a small school boy doing the same at the window of his crush. He watched Wilson’s lips form the words, “excuse me,” and the patient nod.

“What?” Wilson snapped, in a mood. “I’m with a patient.”

“Who isd’t dying. I’b dying, Wilsod,” House argued, pointing to his watery, red eyes and pink nose.

“You... look like you’re suffering from an allergy attack?”

“Dope. Cold.” As if to prove this point, his nose trembled and he sneezed rather violently. “ _HUP’ **USHHOOO!**_ ” The man sniffled and gestured to his runny nose. “See? See how I’b dying?”

“Well how can I help?”

House smiled. “Find sobe good id your heart ad take be home. C-come od... please? How c-cad you say d-doe to th-this?” His breath caught and he sneezed into cupped hands. “ _Hp’ **PPPSHHOO!** Ahhh! Ash’ **SHSHSTTT!**_ ” He wiped his hands on his trousers. “Please?”

“Oh, yeah. You’re irresistible,” Wilson said, but he was grinning. “Fine, I’ll take you home.”

“Yes!” House pumped his fist triumphantly.

“After I’m done with my patient.”

“Oh, come od! Your car is by gateway to p-puhhh...  _huh’ **ESHOOO!**_ Paradise.”


	10. Calling in Sick

“House, just because you have a day off doesn’t mean I can stay home too,” Wilson explained, straightening his tie.

“Oh, c’mon,” House argued. “This is my apartment and I command you to stay home!”

Wilson rolled his eyes. “Do we need to pay rent or is that just a thing of the past?”

House watched him carefully. 

Sure enough, Wilson’s nostrils twitched and his mouth stretched into a yawn. “ _Hh’ **TISHHOO!**_ ”

“Bless you. That was a strong sneeze.”

“Th-thanks. I don’t kn-know—  _huh’ **TSHHHH!** Hap’ **SHOOO!**_ ” Wilson stumbled, almost dropping his briefcase.

“You getting sick?” House grabbed his cane and hobbled over to inspect his friend. “You’re eyes are red and watering.”

“Th-that’s because I have t-to—  _nn’ **SCHHOO!**_ ”

House raised his eyebrows. “Say it, don’t spray it.”

“Ugh. I honestly have n-no idehhhh... id-dea what’s going o-od...” He desperately scrubbed his itchy nose. “ _At’ **TSCHH!**_ ”

“Bless.” House smirked. “So I’m calling in sick for you?”

“Wh-whadever!” Wilson said, sneezing on his way to the bathroom. House dialed Cuddy’s number while Wilson blew his nose.

* * *

Three hours later, after their third round of Mario Kart, during which time Wilson sneezed incessantly, House got up from the couch. “I’ll be right back. Duty calls.” 

He limped over to the bathroom and locked the door behind him. He figured it was time to take the ragweed out of the air vents.


	11. I've Got an Obsession

****House was flipping through a medical textbook when Wilson rapped on the door with his knuckles. Without waiting for House’s nod of approval, he walked inside, eyebrow already raised.”House? It’s almost 12 in the morning...”

When he received no response, save for a sniffle, Wilson continued. “I mean, I’m here to support a family who’s going through the worst thing a family can go through, but I know you don’t do things like that. Plus aren’t you—”

House’s harsh sneeze interrupted him. “ _Huh’ **PSHOO!** Har’ **ESHHOO!**_ ”

“—sick?” Wilson finished, somewhat lamely. He pulled up a chair and leaned over his friend’s desk, trying to read the page upside down.

“‘M busy,” the doctor muttered, running a finger under his dripping nose.

“Busy doing—? You know what, that’s disgusting; you’re a doctor for God’s sake,” Wilson told him, handing the other man a few tissues.

House dabbed at his sore nose. “I’b doing sobe research.”

Wilson let out a laugh. “You? Research? Don’t you just let your flying monkeys do all that?”

When House buried his twitching nose into the handful of tissues, Wilson felt sorry for poking fun at him. “ _Hiihhh... hih’ **ISSHOO!** Hap’ **SHAHH!**_ ”

“Seriously, dude, you should go home. Get some rest. With a case like this, you’ll need it.”

“D-doe...” House replied, nose trembling.”I have to—  _nn’ **SCHSH!**_ ”

“Bless you,” Wilson said sympathetically. “You know, you have an obsession.”


End file.
